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Has someone ever told you that you are crazy? I can tell you it isn’t fun. Especially, when it is about something you really believe in. Here are the important questions, why are you doing something crazy and is it worth it?

I am paying money to go work a job that doesn’t pay me anything, for three years. In a foreign land that I am not from. I don’t know the language. I only have enough money for three months. I am going to an area of 40 Million people as one little missionary. What can I do? Seriously, what can I change? Nothing. No one will be saved by believing in Daniel. No one will be inspired by my efforts or my time. No one will see me for who I really am, but it isn’t about me. It is about Him. It is about the God who loves all of those 40 Million people and knows all of them. The one who takes care of me, and wants me to partner with him. The one who can change all of their lives. It is about the King who died that they might know life. The King who calls them into their destiny and does everything for their good.

I have been fretting about money. Who do I ask? How do I ask? Some say, that I need to do certain things. Some say, I just need to do something. I asked God, and he hasn’t said much on this subject except, “Trust me.” I HATE those words. It means, I must forsake my own desire for control and live like He is in control instead of me. It is so freaking hard. But, it is good. He is good. I am not discounting faith. Faith without works is dead. The works need to come out of faith, because faith comes by hearing the word of God, not from works. Anyway my point is this, this entire scenario of me going back to live in Japan as a full-time missionary is impossible under my own power.

My heart is this, That it would not be my will, but God’s. This is because only God can do this and it will be the best thing if it is His work. Also though, it means I only need to please Him. I can’t please man. Nor do I want to try. My name first name, Daniel, means “God is my Judge.” This is vital to me working in Japan, because it is a land with a huge emphasis on social rules and social standing. If I am working to please man, then I cannot do God’s work. If I am wanting to please God, then I won’t be held captive by the fear of man. Paul talks about how man can kill him, but God can completely make it as though he never was. I will experience persecution. If you follow Christ, you will too. When it happens, if you are trying to please man things will break you. If you are doing it out of your relationship with God, you will be able to stand and even feel God’s joy in you. After all, he cherishes you.

I am crazy, and I am not going to change that. I don’t want normal, I want good and noble and praise worthy. I want to feel and be alive. And love God back like he loves me, in his fullness.