Recently, life has been a bit difficult. God has been constantly going after a part of my life that has been silently killing me. It goes back to a really simple lie that I have believed.
I do not believe I am worth being loved.
That is a very hard thing to say. Really though, can you say the opposite? We are messed up, but we were not made to function outside of love. We have always been loved, but we have rejected it. You cannot receive the love of someone you hate. If they gave you a gift, you would fail to appreciate it. If they confessed to you, you would think them to be a creep.
How is our relationship with God any different? If he gives us good things, we don’t cherish them. When God tells us he loves we run away or hide. Only we don’t hate God as much as we hate ourselves. We hate the fact that he shows us the reality of ourselves. He does it to help us; we see it as a threat. Nothing bad is in God, but we are more comfortable believing there is. We are so afraid of being confronted by the reality of our state, that we would kill to remain in fictional delusion. We will talk ourselves up and purge emotion, but that turns us into what we hate even more. We dread our actions and we know nothing we can do will save us. Which is the point.
We cannot save ourselves. We cannot save anyone else. We are trapped in this state of decay and shame. We are simply afraid. Afraid of really being loved. We want it. We don’t deserve it. We long for hope and just mercy, but cling to despair and judgment. We are afraid. I am afraid. But I am wrong.
“Let God be true and every man a liar.”
I am wrong. You are too. You are worth it. You are worthy of love, because you have always been loved. You are worth being provided for. How do I know? You have been bought. God has determined your life to be worth the life of himself. You are worthy of Christ’s by the fact that he paid the bridal price and let the cup pass from his lips, because there was no disagreement in him. You are worth loving because the price was determined and paid, before you could say otherwise. You are not worth it because you say so. You are not worth it because I say so. You are worth it because the one you rejected has chosen to pursue you even unto his own death and beyond.
Therefore, I am a worth being loved.
So are you.
Welcome to 2015.