This post has been the hardest post that I have written in a very long time. I am emotionally like the state of a bowl of jello submerged in a puddle.
A few weeks ago, I was in the Kansai Region attending a four-day conference in Kobe. By conference I mean a gathering of Christians from all over Japan, Asia, and the world. It was wonderful, culturally uncomfortable, and so worth while. That being said, I was staying with a couple other YWAMers at the YWAM base in Takatsuki. It was a two-hour commute ever morning and night, so we were function off of four hours of sleep a night. It was a bit chaotic. I also got to see one of my best friends, who works at the base. That was the best part for me.
I could talk about that more, but submerged jello. (Insert poor transition; maybe.) The last few weeks have been very hard for me. God has been going after the fact that I avoid dealing with my problems by being busy. This is a major issue as I have lots of problems I am not dealing with. Due to this, God has been forcing me to stop and deal with this stuff. I am also having to face the reality, that I am really afraid. Afraid of who God is calling me to be. Afraid that I will be forgotten and alone. Afraid that I can’t live up to God’s expectations and that I will fail him. God has really been going after this stuff. At the same time, my finances are really not looking well because of the Kobe trip and my health has been spotty at best. I am actually at home sick right now as I am writing this.
The good news is that even though most of my stuff has come to an abrupt stand still, I have been having a lot of spiritual break-through. God is really changing my view of myself and addressing some of the core lies I believe about myself. I am also learning how to ask and receive help from other people, which is honestly quite difficult for me. The best news is that despite all odds, I am still here. I am so amazed by this lately.
In other news, I may be going on a short term outreach to Indonesia at sometime in the future. We don’t have dates yet and frankly I am still lacking enthusiasm for this one. I really love Japan, and I would be quite comfortable staying here for a while. That being said, I will go where the Lord says to go to. I will also be traveling Japan so more. I will be going to the island of Hokkaido for a few weeks later this summer, very excited for this. Finally, I am also working on a series of videos, designed to share the testimonies of YWAM in Japan with the newer generations of YWAMers in Japan (aka my generation.) This project is really been fun, but also hugely challenging on the technical side.
Basically, I need lots of prayer. Thanks in advance. God is good and that is a huge comfort.